


A Collection of Tony Stark's Emotional ABCs

by HepG2



Category: Avengers (Comics), Iron Man (Comic), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, New Avengers (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Civil War (Marvel), Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-05-21 05:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 6,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6040546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HepG2/pseuds/HepG2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>I’m not half as good at anything as I am when I’m doing it next to you. And that’s the truth.</em><br/>Avengers: Prime #5.  </p><p>A series of short writings (200~ words each) that explore the vitriolic friendship between Tony and Steve. Based on events from either the movies or the comics.</p><p>So far, the ABCs are: Anxious > Bored > Concerned > Dread > Excited > Fed-up & Forgetful > Guilty > Homesick > Irritated > Jealous > Knackered > Lonely > Mortified > Neglected > Overwhelmed > Playful > Queasy, Querulous, Quiet & Quintessential > Regretful > Sober > Tired > Uncertain > Vain 1 and 2 > Wacky > Xenodochial > Yearning > Zealous</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A: Anxious

**Author's Note:**

  * For [funeralshenanigans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/funeralshenanigans/gifts).



> Hey all! The International Fanworks Day thing was really fun. I've never really written anything shorter than 4k words until I tried writing for the prompts. I'd like to do more of that (partly because it keeps the plot bunnies under control using the least amount of time). Enjoy!

The next time Steve came to it wasn’t to Marvin Gaye. There was no music, nor Sam. In that very chair to his right there was Tony instead, his eyes hooded, framed by an expression so austere that didn’t exactly go away when he suddenly jerk and look up.

“Steve?” he called quietly. 

Tony pressed the alert call button by the side of the hospital bed. As they waited for the doctor, Steve could already feel the anaesthesia wear away. He grimaced as he shifted, and Tony immediately sought out his heavily bandaged hand. It was subtle, but through the haze of pain and numbness Steve did not miss Tony shaking. 

“It’s all right. We got you back.”

“You look terrible.”

“That tends to happen when a friend falls out of the sky into the Potomac. After he tanked three bullets and a knife stab. And almost drowned. Again.”

When the doctors arrived, Tony left the room to spare them some space and privacy. Steve was so drowsy by the time they left – thanks to the fresh bag of painkillers – that when Tony reclaim the chair, he thought he’d imagined the remnant of a sentence, the pain pronounced in Tony’s voice.

“Idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ABCs are basically one-word adjectives that answer this: "How are you feeling?"
> 
> Next up: B...
> 
> Obviously Tony feels a lot. And he wears them all on his gauntlets.


	2. B: Bored

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mm, I don't think I nailed the emotion though.

Tony towelled himself dry as he closed the bathroom door behind him. That was the last drop of hot water down the draining hole. He inwardly tutted, remembering that Bruce and Natasha were still queuing for a hot shower. Fantastic. Could anything go right for once today – for him, or whenever he was involved at all?

“Mrs Barton need some wood chopped.”

Tony looked up at once. Steve had appeared from nowhere, his stance tense and rigid as he leaned against the door frame. He had his arms weaved across his chest, and from the way he was outright glowering at Tony, the good Captain was _beyond_ pissed. 

Tony didn’t like to be around Steve when he was angry. It was stifling, as good as standing in a locked room one summer with a furnace. He’d spent a couple of hours doing the laundry, preparing ingredients for dinner and hell, even playing hide-and-seek with Little Agents because there was nothing else left to do. 

He was no good like this.

Between sitting around watching grass grow or chopping woods with Captain Passive-Aggressive though, there was no contest.

“OK, I’ll be right there.”


	3. C: Concerned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I'm starting to think the ABCs don't matter anymore, because the story just goes wherever it wants, ignoring the self-imposed prompt completely. I tried T.T

“Come on, Steve…”

Tony leaned downwards, sealing his lips over Steve’s chapped ones and huffed. With his palms flat over the silver star emblazoned across Steve’s heart, he pressed down – _one two three four_ – mentally keeping the rhythm in check. He pinched Steve’s nose and tilted the chin upwards, and again he went down breathing for Captain America.

“Come _on_ …”

Anytime now he too would succumb to the Red Skull’s virus. Tony went back to pumping Steve’s chest, and he hoped he could last as long as it took for T’challa to get his ass down here. For a second there when his own lungs itched he wondered if this was it, but Steve still wouldn’t wake up. 

“Don’t do this, Steve… I’ll hide your shield in the dishwasher if you don’t –” 

Tony coughed. He stilled, his fingers clutching Steve’s wrist as he shuddered with the force of it. Not now, not yet, and he returned to performing CPR until what seemed like forever but hey, at least respite came. When he found himself lying comfortably in a bed with a decidedly alive Steve sitting by his side, he sighed in relief.

“Please tell me you didn’t kiss me back.”


	4. D: Dread

It was 8 p.m. again.

Tony marched down the hallway. Agents saluted him, some addressed him as Director – he waved them all away. He even gave one very pretty lady a half-smile, but from the way his skin stretch too tightly around his eye, it was as if he’d forgotten how to.

It couldn’t have been more than three days since they brought Steve in. He’d made all the arrangements. A grand service at Arlington befitting the Son of America. A eulogy. 

Tony took a left turn. He’d taken to skipping dinner to come down here instead. Nobody deserved to be left so cold and alone, certainly not Steve, not after all was said and done. Today though was different. He was hungry beyond belief that it’d started hurting, but something told him that he couldn’t miss this visit. 

The room was dark, just like when he’d left it yesterday night.

“Hey Steve, miss me?” 

Tony flicked a switch up. And on that stainless steel table it wasn’t Steve, not really, not any more. The body was two heads shorter, the strong muscles had degenerated that it was mere skin on bones. Tony sunk to his knees and held his head in his hands. 

And he cried.


	5. E: Excited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go go go, New Avengers!

It started with two men. 

“Steve, get up!”

Tony had been awake for 36 hours now. Sleep could wait, sleep was unimportant. This here, this _thing_ he and Steve would give birth to, he just had to unveil it now.

“Come on, old man, I want to show you something!”

He would’ve dragged Steve off the bed if he could, so he settled with drawing the curtains apart instead. Oh, the sun wasn’t up yet? Undeterred, Tony whirled around and fetched a grey T-shirt that was draping the armrest of a chair. He promptly tossed it over to Steve. 

Tony led them both to the hall, still shadowed in the quiet of the wee hours of the day. But no matter, because right there in the middle of the room was a hologram so wide it reached wall to wall, ceiling to floor. It cast eerie blue glow on Steve’s amused visage.

“Tony, is this…?”

“Yep. I’ve compiled a list. You said it right the first time. We need to go bigger.”

Tony marched across the room in three strides and pointed excitedly to the top right corner.

“Thor is here, the Widow and Hawkeye are over that corner – there’s another list, let me pull it up…”

A small smile crept onto Steve’s features. Thus at that very minute, the Avengers Initiative was set to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the comics, it said, "It started with two men. One life, one death." I have no idea what that mean. Do you? Enlighten me!


	6. F: Fed-up

“Big man in a suit. Take that away, what are you?”

As fussy and spoilt as he was, Tony was still capable of liking things. Really. He liked _many_ things. Steve Rogers just wasn’t one of those. He liked things that made him feel good about himself. That kind of comes with the territory, being a textbook narcissist and all. He liked working the crowd at Stark Expos. He liked listening to himself talk science with Bruce. He liked flying about in technology so advanced nobody was coming anywhere close in the next five decades or so. 

Anyway, he’d had it up to here, putting up with old, irrelevant people. 

Before he could mentally punch Captain America in his perfect teeth, the Helicarrier tipped sideways. Alarms blared. The whole place was drowning in blinking red light. Then the floor slipped cleanly beneath him and he was down. 

Tony clambered to his feet and promptly fell sideways as the Helicarrier shook some more. This time, he didn’t faceplant into the ground. 

Steve had grabbed him tightly by the elbow. Intense blue eyes bore into him.

“Put on your suit!”

Tony did, but let it be known that it wasn’t because of Cap’s orders.


	7. G: Guilt

“You were right. The shield’s no good sitting in a box. It’s glorious only when it sees action. When it _defends._ I gave it to Clint last week. He took it out for a spin that night. Good man. You would be proud. But it’s back with me now. He didn’t want it. 

“You know, as the War stretch on, I hardly come out of the suit anymore. I said it was for protection. But really, it was an escape. From shame. From guilt. From _you._ I can’t… can’t bring myself to take down your portrait at the Tower’s foyer. Or clear out your room. Can’t even bear to face you at the Raft.

“God, I’ve been so lost. Until your will finds me. I… didn’t think you would do that. To me. _For_ me. After all these. I swear, I’ll do everything I can to honour it. I’m giving the shield to Barnes. Steve, there’s gonna be a new Captain America in town. Though I… I don’t think I’m the right person to guide him. But you’d taught him well. 

“I know. It’s just… too little, too late. 

“I miss you, Steve. I miss you so much.”


	8. G: Guilt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what emotion begins with a "K" (like further down the ABCs), so I'm writing a second Guilt, because Tony has enough of that to last him multiple lifetimes.

“I know you people. You’re going to build a machine or some kind of weapon without thinking if you should – just because you might need it. And then the debate will turn from should we build this, to under what doomsday scenario is it acceptable to use this thing?”

Steve’s words rang loud and clear amidst the pregnant silence in the room. Once again the Illuminati was at a split. Though they’d just evaded yet another bout of Incursion, it was a congregation devoid of celebrations as Captain America addressed them all. They’d lost the Gauntlet. They’d lost hope. 

“And then slowly, one by one, you’ll convince yourselves. We’re doing this for the right reasons. There’s no other choice. It’s the lesser of two evils.”

Tony hung his head. Every word pierced him deeply his throat felt hot and tight. He knew what was coming next. 

“Isn’t that right, _brother?_ ”

Tony closed his eyes. He could feel Steve’s eyes training on him. And so were five other pairs. 

“Damn it, Steve… why do you always have to be this way?”

And as Steve lay motionlessly on the ground shrouded by Dr Strange’s memory wipe magic, Tony wasn’t sure if he could get past himself for betraying Steve yet again.


	9. H: Homesick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've a test in two days T.T

Tony would never get used to space travelling. No amount of jet-hopping, lunch-in-Boston-dinner-in-Beijing could get him accustomed to the G-forces and anti-gravity. No way. 

He missed home, and said home is just an Incursion away from oblivion.

The construction of Sol’s Hammer was proceeding nicely. That more-than-mega project had burnt a hole in his shamelessly deep pockets – which was a little bit sad in retrospect, because _Homo sapiens_ still want to be paid for every bit of effort. Like saving the Earth from utter destruction or having a chance at protecting their families wasn’t good enough.

Then there was a subdued clang of metal on wood and a surprised yelp as Tony stumbled onto the floor.

“Tony?”

Steve picked his shield up – oh, that little bugger was what tripped him? – and proffered a hand to the still sitting billionaire. 

Tony looked away wistfully. “Didn’t anyone teach you to put your stuff away after you’re done with them?”

Steve crouched beside him, keen blue eyes surveying him levelly. 

“Is something wrong?”

Dear Lord, if only he _could._

Tony leaned forward until his head rested on the crook of Steve’s shoulder. Neither moved for the longest minute, until Tony felt strong arms circling him around the shoulders.

“Nah. Just been a long day.”


	10. F: Forgetful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know! It just came to me and I'm like let's do a "F for forgetful" too. Can I?

Tony just got reunited with his cell phones. He remembered he’d a black StarkPhone for business. He _didn’t_ remember this audaciously painted red-and-gold one. He stared at it, puzzled, as Steve urged him to take it. 

“This one is for your private calls,” he explained nevertheless as he took a seat beside Tony.

“I have two phones?”

“That I know of? Yeah.”

Tony awkwardly turned it on with a swipe of his finger. 

“I… don’t remember the password.”

“It’s OK. Baby steps. There’s no rush. Stephen says it’s gonna take time –”

“When I walk out the room, I see everyone – I don’t remember, of course, what happened in between – but I can tell a long stretch of time has passed between this back-up memory and recent events. At breakfast, Thor looked at me like I just threw up in his cereal bowl. Half the time people get mad and I don’t even know why. I must’ve done something, haven’t I?”

Steve eased the phone away from Tony’s shaky grip. In that ever reassuring voice, he said, “Let’s help you get better first. Everything else can wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Tony, you just forgot Civil War. In the comics, the first thing he did was devour newspapers and stuff, and Steve and Thor did lend their shield and Mjolnir to resuscitate Tony. But I need moar closure! I crave for Stony after Tony regained some form of function.


	11. I: Irritated

Salvation was within in his grasp.

Tony truly believed that. He watched the Gem glow as his desire _to do more_ consumed him. The Witch showed him his fears. And this cradle before him was the answer. So Ultron was a mistake. No need to keep wagging that in his face. 

Though the way Steve looked at him like someone just spat on his mother’s grave – that cut him deep.

But he knew this was right. Before he could jumpstart Operation-Hopefully-Lawful-Good-Bot his arm was wrested away so forcefully he thought his humerus was about to snap.

“Are you nuts?”

Tony bit down a surge of irritation whenever Cap was red-taping his work. Stubborn and old-fashioned, he didn’t expect Steve to understand this, what more approve it. The least he could ask for was some respect in his judgement and capability, and trust that he’d do the right thing.

“First you give us Ultron, and now this?”

Two minutes later, Thor brought Vision to life. Steve didn’t bring the issue up after, but Tony knew the hatchet was still out in the open.


	12. J: Jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by an easter egg from the 2nd Iron Man movie ^^

Fury came, Fury saw, and Fury conquered.

In under 30 minutes, the one-eyed power nightmare managed to rally hope and his desire to continue living before promptly loading his hall with trunks and _trunks_ of Howard’s old stuff. He left soon after but not before leaving behind Coulson who’d threatened to tase him if he didn’t get down to work.

So there he found himself kneeling before the largest case of all, sifting through papers so ancient he wouldn’t be surprised if they disintegrate upon his touch. There were heaps of notes and journals – some looked promising, some he didn’t understand because they were encrypted – and sketches of what looked like the Tessaract. Lying at the bottom of everything was a copy of Captain America comic, the one with him punching Hitler on the cover. Volume One. 

Tony blew a layer of dust over the edge and thumbed through the pages. Still in mint condition, but it soon joined the not-so-important-pile-of-junk as Tony dug deeper. There were reels of films – he’d need a projector for those – and nothing else.

Tony sat back on his heels and eyed the comic coolly.

“Typical.”


	13. K: Knackered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I learn a new word: knackered ^^ Thank you, Kidwrangler for the suggestion!

Years of part-timing as a playboy also meant years of unadulterated _fun_. Tony’d tried loads of stuff, oh yeah, some too racy to even mention here on Mars. Let’s say he’d tried ropes and knots and crap like that – so when the gnarled branches of the Tree of Knowledge (?) wrap around his torso and limbs, he couldn’t suppress a giggle because really, he’d expect creeps like Ex Nihilo to do better.

He waited for Steve for _days_. He’d done wisecracking when the Tree kind of came alive and showed him things. He hung there, limp within the clutches of the Tree as he absorbed whatever it was trying to teach him. But even these newfound wonders couldn’t substitute for sustenance. As the hours went by, he felt himself weakening, and wondered how the other captives were holding up. 

Where on Earth was Steve?

One new day, Tony realised it was taking too much effort to even raise a finger. He was beyond tired… Steve suddenly appeared and was pulling the wood around his neck with unbridled sense of urgency. This was the most pleasant hallucination he’d had thus far.

“I got you, Tony.”

Steve came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot the name of the Tree. It's either Knowledge or Life, but Tree of Life is Yggdrasil, so I'm going with Knowledge :p


	14. L: Lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blasphemy! This chappie doesn't have Steve in it O.O

What would a man like Tony Stark do on the last day of his life?

He took another bite of his donut. Screw cholesterol and cavities, because there wouldn’t be a tomorrow to worry about. Literally. He leaned against the curvature of Randy’s Donut’s donut. Scratch that, tomorrow had come, he thought as the sun peeked from the horizon. 

He was going to die today.

He had Pepper. He wanted to tell Pepper so badly of the palladium, of the company, and more. He had Rhodey too. He wanted to hug him and say he was sorry and how grateful he was for the years of friendship. And Happy, he had Happy. If Happy knew, he’d probably just latch on to him and not let go until they fix this mess in his heart.

It hurt. Physically, and he was done feeling so exhausted and miserable all the time. On a good day when he could breathe easier he'd go on with usual business, game face on. On a bad day though, like today, now, he wanted nothing more than to have someone hold him and say everything would be OK. 

But he’d pushed everyone away.

God, he didn’t want to die alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Q, guys. Q. What kind of emotion could possibly begin with a Q?


	15. M: Mortified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so the next 4 chappies are just only coming out because I've got ideas for M, O, P and Q (thank you for all the lovely suggestions <3) and got stuck at N, because... writer's block! So everything got roadblocked there. Now it's cleared, so enjoy!

What could be worse than having a freakin’ dragon chasing your ass? Having a dragon chasing your ass _while you’re naked_ , Tony replied himself. He ducked his way through thickets and twigs, the heat of Fafnir’s fiery breath hot on his bare back. Why would he think outrunning a dragon on his own turf was a good idea at all? Tony took a sharp turn around a large fallen tree, but Fafnir was fast, a lot faster than he looked. He couldn’t keep running forever, and he was approaching his limit – 

“Tony! Get down!”

Tony couldn’t place a face to the voice but his body obeyed nevertheless. He crouched, just in time to see a spherical disc whizz past his head and _pulverise_ Fafnir’s teeth. Steve (but of course!) even chased its minions away, so Tony dared straighten himself before his rescuer, but Steve was eyeing him intently. He was very much aware of his nakedness, thank you very much, and it was all very mortifying until he realised that Steve was actually assessing his injuries – the various torture marks on his upper body – especially the imprint of burnt metal right below his ribs. 

“Why are you naked, Tony?” he asked instead. Because he still believed in Tony’s strength and tenacity.

“It’s my new armour. It’s very high tech!”

And there wasn’t any need for mollycoddling.


	16. N: Neglected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Arno kept away in the Maria Stark Foundation HQ? I know it's the basement of someplace. I hope I got the location right.

Steve wrested the car key from Tony because his hands were shaking so bad he had trouble inserting it into the ignition. He spent the first 15 minutes of the journey staring out of the window. Then Steve caught him swiping the edge of his eyes brusquely before pouring the content of a brown envelope into his lap – a thin stack of forms yellow with age, a medical report, a washed out photo of a baby boy Steve didn’t recognise, and a black-and-white family photo of the Stark household.

Tony stared at the latter for the rest of the drive.

Steve rolled the car into a vacated parking space at Maria Stark Foundation HQ. He cleared his throat, “I don’t mean to pry, but if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

Tony sighed, “I know you see my old man in a different light, but to me, he was an absent father who was never part of my growing up. And what I’m about to find in there,” he nodded towards the building, “is probably gonna be the last nail in the coffin – I don’t know, don’t care – but if my… _brother_ is stowed away in there then I got to set things right.

“It’s OK, Steve. I’m gonna be OK.”


	17. O: Overwhelmed

“Tony? Where are you?”

Tony swerved to the side of the road and pulled the handbrake up. With trembling hands, he pressed the phone into his ear.

“Steve? How did you get this number?”

“Nat reverse engineered your tracker and caught some frequencies surrounding you. It’s weak, and I’ve tried dozens of numbers before I got you. Are you OK?”

Tony mentally recounted all that’d happened to him in the last 16 hours. His Malibu mansion was razed to the ground, he nearly got his lady killed – and that Maya girl, too – nearly drowned, lost JARVIS, and now stranded in Tennessee. 

“I’m OK.”

“Give me your coordinates. I’m coming to get you.”

“What? No!”

“A terrorist attack on national TV is under SHIELD’s jurisdiction. We can –”

“No, I’m the reason all these are happening, and now – just me – my suits are not – oh God, not again –”

He fumbled for the door and stumbled clumsily onto the road. He couldn’t breathe, and Steve kept calling out for him, over the panic that was gripping him.

“Steve… I don’t know what to do.”

“Listen to me. You are the smartest, most capable man I’ve ever known, so trust your heart, trust _me_ , that if anybody can fix this, it’s you.”

And the trembling stopped.


	18. P: Playful

“If you put the hammer in an elevator –”

“The elevator goes up. Elevator’s not worthy.”

“Is it an all-or-none thing or is it scalable?”

“Can you be 50% worthy? That doesn’t sound right –”

“OK. Put Mjolnir on the ground, Thor.”

Thor laughed, but did as Tony asked. 

“Last time Steve did this it budge a little. So worthiness could very well be a scalable trait, and if it’s scalable,” he grinned brightly at Steve and nudged his head, “with the both of us combined, we’ll lift the hammer clean. Probably.”

Steve sighed, but took his place beside the billionaire anyway.

“On the count of one, two –”

Tony felt himself imploding at his earnest effort. Mjolnir seemed to have tilted an inch – favouring Steve’s side – but otherwise remained steadfastly rooted to the ground. 

“A valiant try, as it was entertaining to watch.”

Thor picked Mjolnir up by the head and the sudden loss of weight took Tony by surprise that he promptly fell backwards into the ground. But grounds don’t groan when things fall on them, and Tony quickly realised he had fallen right on top of Steve somehow. 

“Sorry.”

Rather red-facedly he pulled Steve up, and much to his chagrin Thor found that so amusing he was still barking raucously as the Rainbow Bridge took him away.


	19. Q: Queasy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the suggestions on "Q", thank you! I'm thinking of writing on all of 'em, because Tony has a wide enough emotional range to cover even the Q-motions. Thank you Ksl for "Queasy". Here goes, enjoy!

Tony Stark had everything when he was born. Everything. Money, intelligence, a mansion, a freaking butler. Yet, nothing. Howard was abusive. Tony never could compare to a fabled super soldier Dad was so hung up on. Not even when he’d built a circuit board and an engine when still a single-digit aged kid.

He quaffed another mouthful from the bottle.

Tony Stark knew how it felt to have nothing. It made him so sick to the stomach he couldn’t keep any food down. The alcohol, he could. If his throat felt tight and his eyes started burning, blame the alcohol. 

Always the alcohol.

Next thing he knew, he was tipped over to the floor, a pool of vomit right under his chin. Oddly enough, his hand was still closed firmly around the neck of the bottle.

He’d lost his company, his money, his armour. Hell, Jarvis was gone too. _My fault_ , Tony surmised. Always his fault. 

He pulled the bottle closer to his lip when the door slammed open. Steve was there, and he looked so disappointed it crushed Tony. 

It made him sick to the stomach again. 

_“Tony, what you say is not new to me. But a man has to want to be helped.”_

_"Will you help me, Steve?"_


	20. Q: Querulous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... thank you, Bandity for your suggestion: Querulous.

“Because you used the last roll of toilet paper and didn’t replace it!”

“I was going to, but Jarvis said you were using the entire stock to stabilise some machine.”

“Then you could’ve come back 30 minutes later to get ‘em.”

“You work for 72 hours straight, Tony. It would’ve been too late.”

Tony pressed his lips together, the imagery of Captain America in the toilet now etched vividly into his brain. 

They’d been like that, like a family for as long as a decade, and despite of domestic mishaps, Steve had been nothing less than a brother. Here again they stood in the Avenger’s mansion, shoulder to shoulder amidst rubble and upended furniture. The place had seen better days.

They’d _been_ through better days.

Tony had danced along to Steve’s rhythm all those decade too, and the War hadn’t changed that. They’d been partners in mind and soul that the discord was starting to get pretty frustrating. When Steve clocked him square in the jaw and pinned him to the ground, Tony grappled furiously at Steve’s throat, chocking the air out of the soldier’s lungs.

It wasn’t just about a roll of toilet paper anymore.

They left the mansion bruised and battered but it hurt a lot worse inside, because even the sincerest apology meant nothing now.


	21. Q: Quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lady_B20 suggested "Quiet" (thank you!), and here goes!

Happy was dying.

As busy and important a man Tony was, he’d only spoken to two persons today. He spoke to Pepper first, and she asked him to _euthanize_ Happy with Extremis. No one would know, no one but himself, but nobody cared for that. Then Sue Storm came out of nowhere and said… God, he was so close to jumping back on the wagon if for just a moment’s peace. 

Happy was dying. But the War was killing Tony, too.

He was never much of the praying type, believing that simpler minds justify the inexplicable with the existence of a higher being. But Tony scrutinised everything through the aperture of logic. Maybe it was comforting to know that there was someone out there watching over them. What wouldn’t he give - as he nursed his battered left hand with glass shards sticking out of his flesh - to have someone walk with him and show him the way?

He couldn’t go it alone. Steve had left him.

“Thou father art in heaven…”

And Happy too, had left him.


	22. Q: Quintessential

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funeralshenanigan, I've missed you! Hope you're doing OK. This is for your suggestion: Quintessential.

“I’m the most intelligent, capable person on the planet. I’m not playing God. All this time… I’ve been playing human.”

What would one do if one were to have command over the human population? To be adored, to be worshipped. To be needed. What would one do to stand over all others, cast shadows over those who prostrate themselves before oneself? 

_Men are made to be ruled…_

Mankind was doomed. Its very existence a _stain_ on the perfection that was God’s creation. Tony could fix that. With his might he could beautify what was ugly, remedy what was sick, and satiate what was desirable. Perfection restored, and a God was found in Tony.

Curing Matt Murdock’s eyesight was proof of his benevolence.

But don’t tell that he needed the Extremis for it. Don’t tell that his powers were grounded in the nanites. Don’t tell that Steve Rogers had always been at that pinnacle as who he already was. Captain America was perfection that nobody could ever hope to measure up against, that nobody could help but feel inadequate when placed beside him.

But not anymore. Because like a phoenix born anew from ashes, Tony had risen to his true potential, and boy oh boy, there was just so much work to be done.


	23. R: Regretful

Tony stopped talking mid-speech when Steve emerged in the doorway and leaned against it.

“Senator, can we continue this tomorrow? Yes, goodnight.”

It was late. Verily so. Tony saw it fit to hijack the lounging area for his personal use. The far wall was covered in holograms of the latest turbine design and the tablet in his lap was projecting a great wall of text. The UN emblem shone unmistakably vivid at the top before Tony shut everything down.

“Cap. Shouldn’t you be sleeping already?”

“Why?” Steve asked, a mere whisper in the night. “I know I can’t change your mind. But I need to know why.”

Tony tucked the tablet under his armpit and rose to his feet.

“Ross was right, that’s why. Because a kid died in Sokovia and it’s on us. Because New York, Washington D.C., Lagos? That’s on us. Ultron. That’s on – and I haven’t forgiven myself for that.”

“So suddenly defending the world and the people is a mistake?”

“Some mistakes shouldn’t have happened, Steve.” And he’d lost Pepper along the way, too. “To justify what we do – and we’ve done some questionable stuff – is criminal arrogance. 

“ _That’s_ why I’m signing the Accord.”


	24. S: Sober

“You’re not drinking.”

Sam was getting his glass a refill and Steve was looking so uncomfortable at the table alone. That, Tony couldn’t stand having so he parked himself (and his cup of oolong tea) in a vacant chair right beside Steve. 

“A very astute observation. And you, dear Cap, shouldn’t be too. Fine liquor is wasted on you if you can’t get buzzed. And no, I don’t do that anymore.”

“That’s… very good to know. What gives?”

“Drinking is overrated. Had my first drop when Dad shoved me a bottle and asked me to man up. I was like, seven? As if chasing after approvals wasn’t pathetic enough, it became something I hid behind when shit hits the fan. I forget. So it stopped hurting. But it never really was enough, was it, because these problems never actually go away. It’s like having a loaded gun in my mouth, and I liked the taste of metal.”

Tony drained his tea and glanced up at Steve, who didn’t know what to make of it.

“Tony, I –”

“And that’s enough chat for a day, isn’t it?”

Then Sam returned and Tony took his leave. But the words stuck with Steve for the rest of the night.


	25. T: Tired

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Stark Expo 2011!”

There were blinding white lights and very loud music, and the only reason Steve came was because Tony wouldn’t shut up about it. “It’s gonna be huge, I promise you. Just be there at seven, OK?” 

There was a loud applause from outside and Steve, who had been lurking around backstage for a while now waited for the billionaire. Tony eventually came in but quickly disappeared into a makeshift booth that had heavy drapes for walls. 

“Tony?”

He found the ashen-faced billionaire propped against haphazardly arranged furniture at the backend. He was by Tony’s side in an instant.

“What’s wrong? Do you need –”

“I’m fine. Give me a minute…” Steve didn’t miss the way Tony’s hand clench around an almost inconspicuous black, plastic piece. “It’s been a long day.” 

It was until several months later that Steve found out about the palladium poisoning and how close he was to losing a friend. He came back the following year for the next Expo and Tony finally asked, “So, what do you think?” as he gestured around the park. Steve couldn’t imagine it flourish under anyone else. 

“It’s swell.”


	26. Chapter 26

The fact that it was 3 a.m. and Tony was still awake in the kitchen wasn’t uncommon. What was: he wasn’t working, and he was drinking. Steve quietly took the empty seat beside him.

“Let’s get you back to bed, shall we?”

“I didn’t drink it.”

True enough, the scotch was still brimming in the glass, seemingly untouched. 

“Cap, I think I finally understand it. What it means to be what we are, to keep doing what we do.” Tony leaned back and exhaled, as if he could finally let go of the weight on his shoulders. “I used to think that as long as we do good by the country and the people, foster trust and partnership with the government, we’ll always be remembered as the good guys. But that’s not true. Their only concern is ‘What have the Avengers done for us lately?’ and the moment we screw up, they’ll be looking for blood. Our blood.”

“Doesn’t mean we stop fighting.”

“No,” Tony sighed. “No indeed. We keep fighting. But Steve, it’s not going to end well for us. It’s coming. I can _see_ it. It’s happening already.” Because when he broke it all down to equations and possibilities, it all checks out. 

“A war,” Tony bit out quietly.


	27. V: Vain

Tony Stark’s long-time bane: alcoholism, and a planet-sized ego.

_“Your merchant talk is as impressive as words go, but I’m sure our pilots can compensate for whatever our tech is lacking.”_

And suddenly, it became a good idea battling _five_ Extremis-charged ex-militants-turned-villains in knock-off power armours. Seriously, when the phone call came in, Steve didn’t know if he should be alarmed or furious.

A grating groan came from the bed. Steve looked up.

“Oh hell… oh f-, Steve?” 

Steve took a deep breath, and Tony knew this dance. 

“I understand, you’re mad. And you’re right to be. I’m sorry.”

“What are you doing hunting down Extremis on your own? SHIELD does exist in this universe, you know.”

“It’s not something I’ll let –”

“You don’t trust them, I get that. But your _ego_ needs some downsizing. You’ll get yourself killed if you keep pulling stunts like this.”

Steve made to shift in his chair. 

“Are you leaving?”

“I’ve said what I wanted to say. Get some rest.” 

“I don't trust SHIELD,” Tony sighed, and Steve sunk slowly back into his seat, “but you, I do. Maya and I share this… _fear_ …”

Tony Stark’s long-time boon: Steve Roger’s companionship.


	28. V: Vain 2

Steve didn’t even realise they’d already taken off. It was _that_ smooth.

“The entire cabin is suspended in liquid Teflon,” Tony explained smugly as he gestured at their surroundings. 

“This is very luxurious…”

“Money is only useful when it’s spent. And this flight to Japan is my treat!”

At lunch though, Steve found Tony spending too much effort not looking at him.

“OK, what is it?” 

“Nothing.”

Steve sighed as he placed his fork down. “What have you done this time?”

“Gee, thanks for your level of confidence. Will it do if I ask you to just trust me on this?”

“I trust you like a brother would, but you have a reputation.”

“All right. I have to be in D.C. the week of your birthday, and I’m taking Peter with me. I know I’ve promised –”

“You promised to drop the same number of red, white and blue balloons as with my age from a hot air balloon. I’m not sorry to have to miss that. Though I am sorry not to have you around. So this trip is my early birthday present?”

Maybe today Tony could forget about the Metahuman Investigation Committee, or about asking Peter to keep their summoning a secret even from Steve, or about knowing once this go out, Steve would choose a side that wasn’t going to be his.


	29. W: Wacky

“Steve, wake up.”

Steve rubbed his eyes as he sat up in his bed. 

“Steve,” urged the disembodied voice that sounded strangely familiar, “come on, man. Rise and shine!”

“Christ, Tony! What time is it – where are you?”

Steve looked around but found nothing in the dark solitude of his room. He instinctively reached for his shield that he’d lain against the wall yesterday night.

“OK, don’t freak! I’m talking through the bird ornament on your dresser.”

Steve turned on the lamp and squinted. True enough, the eyes of the wooden eagle – _ornament_ that Tony gave him earlier this month for his birthday – were glowing in red. Steve walked up to the bird and poked the head. 

“What do you need, Tony?” he yawned.

“Fury sent you a package. Pretty heavy. All locked down with your biometrics too. Uh, sorry.”

“Yeah… give me a min – this thing is voice only, isn’t it?”

“Yep, it’s voice only.” There was silence and Steve waited for it. “I swear I didn’t see anything. I shut this off before you – oh God, Steve? Steve! I was joking! Honest!”

That morning Clint found a bird ornament in the kitchen bin, neatly cleaved into two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! I'm at my wit's end again. What prompt fits "X" and "Z"? I deeply appreciate your input! Just three more alphabets to the end of the race ^^


	30. X: Xenodochial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xenodochial, as in, friendly to strangers. A xenodochial dog. I don't know if it's OK to use it in this context :(

Tony relinquished his grip on Steve’s bicep with perhaps too much force than both of them would openly admit. Sparing the soldier a cursory glare, he stalked off to the end of the hallway and crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“What’s your problem, Steve?”

 

“I can see there’s a lot of things going on right now, but I mean him no harm. We need to exercise _some_ amount of caution here because –”

 

“You think I didn’t scan, test, _check_ him for _any_ possibilities of – of _trickery_? It’s like you don’t know me anymore.”

 

“Please, see it from my point of view! You telling me some guy pops out of nowhere claiming to be your _brother_ , Howard’s _actual son_ , and –”

 

Tony barked mirthlessly and swept his palm over his face. “Yeah, still can’t wrap my head around that one. But I do know,” he lifted his chin and looked straight at Steve, “I can’t keep him locked up in that basement, pretend that he didn’t even exist. I can’t.”

 

“I’m not asking you to. But be careful, Tony. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

 

Steve watched Tony return to Arno’s room, greeting his brother with a genial “Hey, buddy!” It didn’t allay his worry, but what wouldn’t he give for Tony to have another chance at family again?

 


	31. Y: Yearning

“Tony?”

Tony looked over his shoulders. Steve was standing some distance away, his posture tense. 

“Come over here,” Steve intoned gently. “It’s dangerous to stand so far out.”

That was when Tony realised he was standing right at the edge of the cliff, the waves of the Pacific beating against sharp rocks beneath him. Slowly he backpedalled from the brink until Steve held him by the shoulders.

“You OK?” 

“Uh… yeah. Always.” He shrugged and managed a look of mild annoyance. “It’s courtesy to inform the host in advance if you’re dropping by. You can’t just show up.”

“Why didn’t you tell us what New York is doing to you?”

Tony’s heart raced at the mere mention of “New” but steeled himself. Steve didn’t miss the sudden loss of colour from his face.

“Did Pepper set you up to this?”

“We’re your friends. We’re here for you.”

A muscle in Tony’s jaw twitch and he lowered himself to the sandy ground. 

“I want it to stop, Steve,” he whispered. “The fighting. The wars. We can’t be doing this forever.”

He closed his eyes, shutting out the silvery specks of stars in the galaxy beyond.

“Just want it all to stop.”


	32. Z: Zealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Aurora for the suggestion! Here goes the final alphabet and chapter :)

“O… kay…”

“Yeah. Sorry. This isn’t meant to be creepy at all.”

“You were a kid.”

“I was. An astute observation.”

Tony stood by the door and stayed mum as Steve walked about Captain America’s – for lack of a better word – shrine. The far wall had a collage of black-and-white photographs from the 40s, there were war bond posters framed by a bookshelf stocked with Captain America comic books... and Tony couldn’t have looked even more distressed when Steve approach the floor-to-ceiling screen sets and control pads.

“Is this what I think it is?” Steve gestured at the stack of CDs all labelled with dates. “Surveillance tapes?”

“To my defense, we didn’t know –”

“ _You_ didn’t know.”

“Well OK, _I_ didn’t know if the body SHIELD dug up was really you. I had to be sure! If it helps, this hasn’t been in use since you woke up.”

Tony’s lips thinned when Steve spun around and sighed. _This is it_ , Tony thought. _Here comes the righteous scolding._

“Thank you.”

_No?_

“Anytime. Even you have a narcissistic side after all. I can wallpaper the Tower with your mugshots if you like.”

But Steve merely chuckled and started thumbing through the comics. And what else could he say to that?

“You’re most welcome, Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this to the end! I hope you find this ficlet fun, and I'm glad I did this, learnt a couple of new words just going through the alphabets. Have a wonderful day and hope to see you again! 
> 
> @ funeralshenanigans: Hugs! We made it!


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